Why do people have "human" children?

In Maldives, like most of South Asia, when you enter your twenties, you are always bombarded, by well-meaning people - whether they are family, colleagues, or friends - with the question when you are going to "have a life". It's a silly question because we are not actually dead. Just kidding. The question really means when are we going to "settle down by getting married and having children".

If you say you don't plan to, you are treated as a childish, irresponsible, and stupid person. I have a friend who said he had to get married because his business partners otherwise were unlikely to treat him as a responsible person to conduct properly the affairs of their shared business.

Such well-meaning people always pose a question which can easily corner you: if your parents didn't get married and have you, you will never have been lucky to be born, no?

It can be irritating to constantly be confronted with that question as if our life's major problem revolves around the fact that we are not married and do not have children.

Even the Maldives' governments of ages ago set the condition of allocating social housing based on criteria such as awarding points for those who were married and have children - as if those who are single deserve not to have shelter! Just kidding again. President Maumoon did not want Maldives' sovereignty to be compromised by taking large loans to reclaim land and allocate housing for just anybody and therefore he took time (30 years) and that meant, providing housing to who needed it most and that means people who have other mouths to feed (families) rather than single men or women. It was after the Maumoon era that we saw Maldivian governments, at the risk of losing our sovereignty, take large loans to provide housing to everyone, even those who opt not to get married.

Recently, a high school classmate told me she was shocked that some of her friends are married but don't plan to have "human" children. She said she is concerned that nowadays even married couples want to keep pets like cats instead of having human children. 

I can't speak for others but I can say that I don't have fantasies of getting married and having human children - ever. 

A fellow Maldivian writer observed that I don't have that important human trait we know as "empathy". It could be true. For one thing, I don't understand the nature of "kulunu" or that love or bond which is said to "naturally" exist between families and between parents and their children. I am told that this is the reason why people who are suspected to be barren (both men and women) do not like to go for adopting children because adoption means the child is "not their own blood" and therefore they cannot feel the kind of love they should feel as if the children were their own. I am told that this is why some barren Maldivians spend thousands of dollars to go abroad to seek treatment to have their own children. I hope the current Maldives' government's decision to provide free In Vitro Fertilisation (IVF) treatment is a relief to many such citizens.

But on the other hand, I am also told that there are people whose love doesn't "differentiate" between one human with another, even the love for step-children or adopted children (through the orphanage foster care system), and that therefore, whether the child is their own blood or not, they love them equally. 

And then I am told that there are people who love a cross-species kind of love where they seem unable to "discriminate" their love for both humans and other wildlife! So, it's not surprising that we now find a lot of people heavily involved in keeping pets or gardening. I think I belong to this latter category but that is a blogpost for another day.

I plan to enter an old folks home if I reach an age where I can't take care of myself without burdening any members of my nuclear or extended family. 

I am not judging people who have children as a kind of "investment" to secure their old age future, in that, they hope to be taken care of by their grown-up children which will actually amount to disrupting and creating a lot of inconvenience to their children who would, by that time, have a nuclear family of their own, and a wife or husband and children (may be) that they have to take care of. 

In the so-called Third World countries, people have children for various valid reasons: to deal with poverty by having children who can earn a livelihood by taking part in family occupations such as agriculture. 

There is also the issue of leaving your genetic legacy in the form of children, and the issue that if people stopped having children, there will be many social problems such as some affluent Asian countries having to deal with public health - and economic - issues such as the result of having a more senior (old age) population as birth rates have fallen.

The world has more than 8 billion people now, and obviously there's the question whether resources can match the needs of all these people. Hence, some people are of the view that a larger proportion of humans should stop having "human" children.

One reason I don't fancy having "human" children is because I don't think with my Bipolar Disorder condition I can take the stress of being "responsible" for other human beings. I am hardly able to take care of myself! How can I take responsibility for another? I know that some people will say that with the correct treatment such patients can lead a normal and happy life but let me say that I don't feel I am up to all that although you might say I have to try in order to experience it to which I have to close the argument by saying that I don't want to take any risks in taking responsibility for a spouse and human children.

So I hit ChatGPT because I wanted to find the overall reasons why a large proportion of people want to have "human" children and here's the information the chatbot offered to me:

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People have children for a variety of reasons, and it's not accurate to say that they do so to take advantage of their children's ignorance of their cognitive development. Most parents have children because they want to create and nurture a family, experience the joys of parenthood, and contribute to the continuation of their family line. It's a complex decision influenced by cultural, emotional, and personal factors.

Parents typically strive to provide the best possible upbringing for their children, including education, guidance, and support as their cognitive development progresses. While children may have limited cognitive development initially, parents are there to help them learn and grow, not to take advantage of their developmental stage.

It's important to approach this topic with sensitivity and avoid making assumptions about people's motivations for having children. Parenthood is a deeply personal choice, and different individuals and cultures have various reasons for embracing it.

The term "deep personal choice" refers to decisions and actions that are highly individual and meaningful to a person's life and values. When it comes to having children, it's considered a deep personal choice because it involves a significant commitment and responsibility. It's a decision that can profoundly impact an individual's life, as well as the lives of the children they bring into the world.

People approach the decision to have children based on their personal values, desires, and circumstances. Some may feel a strong calling to become parents, while others may choose not to have children for various reasons. Ultimately, it's a deeply personal choice because it reflects an individual or a couple's unique priorities, beliefs, and aspirations regarding family and parenthood.

Dealing with children in the correct way involves providing a nurturing and supportive environment for their physical, emotional, and cognitive development. 

While there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, here are some general principles that can help parents and caregivers ensure they are dealing with children in a positive and constructive manner:

Love and Affection: Show your children love and affection. Hugs, kisses, and words of encouragement can help build a strong emotional bond.

Effective Communication: Listen to your children and communicate with them in an age-appropriate manner. Encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings.

Set Clear Boundaries: Establish clear rules and boundaries while also explaining the reasons behind them. Consistency is key.

Positive Reinforcement: Praise and reward good behavior to reinforce positive habits.

Discipline with Care: Use discipline techniques that are appropriate for the child's age and development stage. Avoid harsh punishment and focus on teaching consequences.

Encourage Independence: Allow children to make age-appropriate choices and learn from their experiences. Encouraging independence can boost their confidence.

Provide a Safe Environment: Ensure the physical and emotional safety of your child. Childproof your home and address any safety concerns promptly.

Education and Learning: Support your child's education and provide opportunities for learning and exploration. This includes reading to them, helping with homework, and exposing them to various experiences.

Be a Role Model: Children often learn by example. Demonstrate the values and behaviors you want them to adopt.

Patience and Empathy: Understand that children will make mistakes and have challenging moments. Be patient and empathetic, and try to see things from their perspective.

Seek Support: Parenting can be challenging, so don't hesitate to seek advice and support from trusted sources, such as pediatricians, teachers, and parenting groups.

Remember that parenting is a continuous learning experience, and what works for one child may not work for another. It's important to adapt your approach based on your child's unique needs and personality while keeping their best interests at heart.

It's important to recognize that children are not "ignorant and dumb animal pets." Children are human beings with developing cognitive abilities, emotions, and the capacity to learn and grow. While they may lack certain knowledge and experience due to their age and stage of development, it's crucial to approach their upbringing with care, respect, and an understanding of their unique needs and potential.

Parenting involves nurturing and guiding children as they navigate the process of learning about the world and themselves. It's a responsibility that requires empathy, patience, and a commitment to helping children become capable and responsible individuals.

Comparing children to animals can be dismissive and does not reflect the complexity of human development. Children are shaped by their environment, experiences, and the guidance of caregivers, and it's essential to provide them with a supportive and loving upbringing to help them reach their full potential as human beings.

You're welcome for the answers, and I understand that you have your perspective on parenthood. The decision to have children is indeed a highly personal one, and people's motivations for becoming parents vary widely. Some individuals and couples find great fulfillment, joy, and purpose in raising children and view it as a deeply rewarding experience. They may value the opportunity to nurture, teach, and guide the next generation.

On the other hand, not everyone feels the same way, and some choose not to have children for various reasons. It's essential to respect the diversity of choices people make regarding parenthood, as long as those choices are made responsibly and considerately.

Ultimately, what brings meaning and fulfillment to one person's life may not be the same for another, and that's perfectly okay. Society benefits from individuals who make informed choices about whether or not to have children, based on their own values, circumstances, and desires.

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