The pleasure of been in a paracosmic world

Where does creativity originate from? A person's individual insight? Allah's inspiration? Or a bit of both? A discussion last night with a friend provided me with an epiphany into two kinds of my "abilities" which hitherto I did not understand with regard to my writings.

There is a current belief that while everyone is born intelligent, intelligence has to be nurtured (like all other talents and skills) in order to reach its full potential, and that, if otherwise, we humans will grow up to be stupid and unthinking adults - like the herds of commentators you find on the comments section of local newspapers such as "Mihaaru", "Sun", etc.

As far as my self is concerned, through choice may be, I have relegated myself to doing relatively "short" stuff - such as news, features, reports, essays, flash fiction, blogposts, sudden fiction, microstory, and short stories.

Some people are surprised why I never bothered reading for a Masters Degree, much less a PhD, and stopped my higher education after a First Degree - because they think I can write.

This is where the distinction has to be made with the existence of two abilities - one on the ability of expressing and articulating myself eloquently, and the other on the ability of creative writing itself.

The mistake, therefore, my well-wishers don't recognise, is that they seem unable to tell the difference between these two "abilities": I may have an ability to eloquently articulate my thoughts and emotions, which is a kind of creativity, but it's different from, say, a creativity that can allow a person to write lengthy works such as dissertations, thesis, books and full length novels.

Though even now I engage in editing and polishing other people's writings, which requires another kind of creativity, honestly speaking, I don't think I have the ability to write such lengthy stuff, such as bidding documents, public relations strategies, etc, and I wonder why. Is it a natural inability? Or is it because I am lazy and not doing the hard work that is required for such writings and higher education?

I remember the struggle and pain I went through to finish doing research papers for my First Degree even. May be because I am from the generation that failed to see my intelligence nurtured. Remember, back then it was a big thing when President Waheed, at relatively a young age, managed to get a PhD, becoming the first Maldivian to do so, although among the younger generation such qualifications are now common.

So may be because I was born in the "wrong time" which made it impossible to nurture my intelligence, that now there is no hope for me to get a Masters Degree or PhD because that would mean pure torture for me. This is why I feel I am not prepared for an academic life now though I may be wrong about that, and I pray to Allah to lift me out of such a trench if I am personally to blame myself for not trying hard enough at nurturing my creativity.

And this is why I both admire and envy the fact that most of my classmates have gone on to progress in their academic life while I don't have the ability to do all that research and analysis in formulating, elaborating, and explaining concepts at length like they do. But some might say this is a lie on my part because they already see a writing ability in my journalism pieces on socioeconomic features of Maldives, and therefore, feel that I am not doing anything serious to kickstart my creativity.

If so, perhaps, am I been impatient to work hard to reach new heights in writing? Am I been too lazy to pursue a writing career anymore? As I mentioned in an earlier blogpost, I have been a journalist from 1995 and a blogger from 2000. I feel that's too long a time to be spent on one thing and I might have "burnt out" by now as a result of that lengthy time in the writing profession.

Hence, I may need to resume work on a novel I started writing last year which I discontinued after realising that a lot of my personal stuff and real life experiences were going in to it, leading it to resemble an autobiography of mine. But then again a friend pointed out that anybody's expression of any kind will always reflect that person's life.

Due to these reasons I just mentioned, I feel that I have been uninspired over the last decade. While I enjoy been a "spectator" rather than an "artist" when it comes to enjoying works of art such as books, movies, music, etc., I may never develop a paracosmic talent, because I am now only three short years shy of fifty and therefore, time is running out for me, and I don't have that much time to nurture my intelligence and latent talents now.

Maldives been insulated from the world until the advent of tourism in the 70s meant little or no exposure of us to the whole wide world which otherwise could have provided the opportunity for me to nurture my intelligence and skills while at the same time providing me access to all sources of information. In that sense, in this era of information technology, the younger generation is extremely lucky to understand themselves and the society and lead a contented life.

In fact, where I have failed as a man approaching middle age, I see the younger generation successfully meeting adulthood. And where, due to the informationally disadvantaged age of my childhood prevented me from becoming a fully knowledgeable and multi-skilled adult, the younger generation of the present day has access and resources to enlighten themselves, engage in creativity and development, and still get the opportunity to while away the leisure hours in things they just love to do.

Thus it is a joy to see them try to understand the world to the greatest extent possible, by learning about various subjects, and at the same time becoming multi-talented, taking up art, music, gardening, etc,. I myself tried to play tabla, drums, piano, and guitar but gave up after finding out my brain, because of its non-nurturing, failed to allow my multiple limbs to function simultaneously.

I may never be able to compete with geniuses such as J.R.R. Tolkien and James Cameron who created paracosms such as Middle Earth and Avatar world respectively, but whether I like it or not, I feel I would be permanently feeling inadequate, wondering whether I had or still have the opportunity to nurture my intelligence and creativity to the level of, or surpass, the limits of creation set by paracosmic leaders such as Tolkien and Cameron.

But perhaps, it is still important for my personal development to resume work on my novel, whether it leads to an imaginary world, or my real life autobiography, and see where it goes, and whether it has a good impact on me mentally, because it would mean me continuing doing something I love to do: write.