Yesterday I met a Maldives' friend and I did this quick research for him because he said he still hasn't overcome been "ghosted" by a close friend of his which happened a while back.
I myself suffered when a close friend ghosted me while I was in Majeediyya School and I was traumatized for a while because Maldives didn't have Internet at that time and so I didn't know how to deal with the scary feelings and uncomfortable emotions I were faced with. Now I have emerged stronger because finally I understand the possible reasons he might have in ghosting me.
So I fed as a prompt into Google's AI chatbot Gemini the exact question my friend asked, which was bluntly, saying: "Are people who 'ghost' other people psychologically unstable?"
And here's Gemini's answer:
While ghosting itself is not typically classified as a mental illness, certain underlying psychological factors or patterns of behavior associated with some mental health conditions might contribute to why someone chooses to ghost.
Here's a breakdown of why it's not accurate to say all people who ghost are psychologically unstable, but why certain connections can be made:
Reasons why ghosting is generally not a sign of psychological instability:
Avoidance of Conflict: Many people ghost to avoid uncomfortable conversations, breakups, or confrontations. This doesn't necessarily indicate a mental health issue, but rather a potentially immature or avoidant communication style.
Lack of Communication Skills: Some individuals may lack the skills or confidence to express their feelings or intentions directly.
Fear of Hurting Someone's Feelings: Ironically, some people ghost because they believe it will be less painful for the other person than a direct rejection.
Ending Casual Relationships: In very early or casual dating scenarios, some people may see ghosting as an easier way to end things without a formal discussion.
Personal Discomfort: The person ghosting might feel overwhelmed, anxious, or simply not know how to proceed with the relationship.
Potential links to psychological factors or mental health-related behaviors:
While not a direct indicator of mental instability, certain patterns or motivations behind ghosting could be associated with underlying psychological issues:
Avoidant Attachment Style: Individuals with an avoidant attachment style tend to value independence and may distance themselves emotionally by ghosting.
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style: These individuals desire closeness but also fear intimacy and rejection, which can lead to ghosting as a self-protective mechanism.
Low Empathy or Callousness: People with low empathy may struggle to consider the emotional impact of their actions on others, making ghosting more likely.
Emotional Immaturity: Difficulty managing one's own emotions or considering the emotions of others can contribute to choosing the seemingly "easier" route of ghosting.
Social Anxiety: In some cases, extreme social anxiety might make direct communication feel overwhelming, leading to ghosting as an avoidance strategy.
Symptoms of Certain Mental Health Conditions: In rare cases, ghosting could be a manifestation of withdrawal or difficulty maintaining relationships associated with conditions like depression, certain personality disorders, or during a mental health crisis. However, this is not the primary or defining characteristic of these conditions.
Self-Centered or Manipulative Traits: Some individuals with self-centered or manipulative tendencies might use ghosting as a way to exert power or avoid accountability.
Important Considerations:
Pattern of Behavior: Occasional ghosting is different from a consistent pattern of abruptly ending communication in all types of relationships. A repeated pattern might suggest underlying issues.
Context of the Relationship: The impact and interpretation of ghosting can vary greatly depending on the length and depth of the relationship.
Motivation: Understanding the reasons behind the ghosting (if possible) can offer more insight, though this is often what the "ghosted" person lacks.
Conclusion:
It is inaccurate and stigmatizing to label all people who ghost as psychologically unstable. While certain psychological factors and behaviors associated with some mental health conditions can contribute to the act of ghosting, it is often a result of poor communication skills, discomfort with confrontation, or a desire to avoid perceived awkwardness.
However, repeated ghosting, especially in significant relationships, might be a red flag indicating potential difficulties in interpersonal relationships that could warrant further exploration. It's crucial to avoid generalizations and consider the complexity of human behavior.
However, this conclusion begged another question: "But doesn't the person who was 'ghosted' deserve some kind of resolution or closure to the relationship?"
And Gemini answers:
You are absolutely right. From the perspective of the person who was ghosted, the lack of resolution or closure can be incredibly hurtful and confusing. It's a valid and common feeling to desire understanding and a sense of finality when a relationship ends, regardless of its nature or duration.
Here's why the lack of closure after being ghosted is often so difficult:
Unanswered Questions: The person left behind is often left wondering what happened, what they did wrong (even if they didn't), and why the other person suddenly disappeared. This can lead to rumination, self-doubt, and anxiety.
Lack of Respect: Ghosting can feel deeply disrespectful, as if the relationship and the person's feelings weren't worth a simple explanation.
Difficulty Moving On: Without closure, it can be harder to process the end of the relationship and move forward emotionally. The lack of a clear ending can leave a lingering sense of uncertainty and prevent acceptance.
Erosion of Trust: Being ghosted can damage a person's trust in others and make them hesitant to form new connections.
Emotional Distress: The sudden disappearance can lead to feelings of sadness, anger, confusion, rejection, and even a sense of being disposable.
Why the person who ghosts often doesn't provide closure:
As discussed previously, the reasons for ghosting are varied, and often they stem from the ghoster's discomfort or inability to handle direct communication.
They might:
* Want to avoid conflict or difficult conversations.
* Lack the communication skills to express their feelings.
* Believe it's the "easiest" way out for themselves.
* Feel guilty or uncomfortable causing someone pain.
* Lack empathy for the other person's feelings.
The unfortunate reality is that the person who was ghosted often doesn't get the closure they deserve from the person who ghosted them. This is why it's important for the person who was ghosted to find ways to create their own sense of closure.
This might involve:
* Acknowledging their feelings and allowing themselves to grieve the loss of the relationship (and the lack of closure).
* Talking to trusted friends or family about their experience.
* Practicing self-compassion and reminding themselves that the ghosting says more about the other person than about them.
* Setting boundaries and focusing on their own well-being.
* Eventually, being open to new connections without letting the past dictate their future.
In conclusion, while the person who ghosts may have their own reasons (which may or may not be linked to psychological issues), it doesn't negate the valid need for resolution and closure felt by the person who was ghosted. The lack of closure can be a significant source of emotional pain, and it's crucial for those who have been ghosted to prioritize their own healing process.
(End of conversation with Gemini).
I guess I have nothing more to say to Gemini as it offered me answers that satisfied both me and my friend.
PHOTO: A Maldives' friend and I having breakfast last week at Spice Hut in Malé, the capital island of Maldives. I shot this photo of my friend who is the award-winning photojournalist who has been teaching me how to play around with the camera settings of my Redmi 10 2022 smartphone.
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